Therapy Sessions With Lucius
by WaterMelons WaterMelon Mangoes
Summary: [FE7] Ostia sent a letter to the tactician about the army needing help. Filled with randomness and Bartre in a disturbing pink tutu ! Introduction to Clink and Clank ! the rain clouds living on top of Erk's head ! How is Lucius going to cope with these ?


Hi ! I don't own Fire Emblem. Idea came from Silver Sailor Ganymede.

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Therapy Sessions With Lucius

" Lyn, I have something I need to tell you …" the tactician told the emerald haired lord who just came into her tent.

" What is it, Sellyn ? I'll hear it as long as it isn't something that has something to do with sending Florina and her sisters as volunteers to the town's archer school to become live practice targets. OR sending Kent, Lowen, Marcus and Isadora up to the bandits' mountain stronghold … you can send Sain up there though … I don't mind."

Outside the tent, Sain heard what Lyn said and went off doing something completely retarded and Sain –like, like jumping off the cliff ? Hope so.

Whatever lady Lyn said in the tent were horrifying true. The tactician DID sent the Pegasus sisters and paladin unit right to the front of the hell gate and they did come back traumatized, with their butts bitten off, chewed and gradually spat back out to them. Marcus came back curled up; sucking his thump, mumbling about slopes, elfs and pixies. In other words, the tactician is a complete numbnut.

" Nope, this time it's a letter from Ostia. They have seen reports of our army's victorys and they think that our army needs help…"

" Help ? New weapons ? More funds ? sound-proof earplugs ?"

" Not that kind of help … _psychological _and _emotional _help. Er … it will be conducted by Lucius; heres the name list and appointment timing for some of the soldiers. And th-, Wait …" Sellyn paused.

" Lucius ?!!!!??!" The two screamed.

_That afternoon ..._

Lucius was excited, his/her talents are going to become useful. He/she picked up the appointment list. First patient, Nils.

Nils practically bounced into the room, having had three (or four… or five… or six… or maybe seven… who cared? but he had alot of sodas since morning . He sat down on the chair and spun around on it twice before sitting still ( somewhat twitchy ) and looked at the psychiatrist.

" Okay Nils, I am Lucius and tod-" He got cut off.

" Can we just move onto the inky-blot-test thingy ? you know … those things they used on TV ?" Nils said.

Lucius stared at him. What is Nils talking about ?! Well, ink blot test DO exist but … whats a TeeVee ?

" Pa-Pardon ?"

" Aw … you know what that is ! test me test me test me test me test me test me test me !! "

" Fine …" He took out cards with big black paint-splatter thingies on them and showed them to Nils.

" Nils, What to do you see in these ? Be sure to say the first thing that comes to mind. And I will move on the the other cards."

" Sugar, Sugar, Sugar … coffee … Bartre wearing a tutu … sugar … sugar, sugar and Ninian eating my sweets… Hey !!! whats Ninian doing with my sweets !!?!"

Lucius stared.

" Nils, that's all for today … thankyou …" Lucius said with a sigh.

He took out a piece of paper and scribbled.

" Severe ADHD and obessed with sweets… Next patient … hmm … Erk and Serra !"

Upon hearing their names, the two stepped in.

Erk came in stopping his feet with two rain clouds over his head … raining and casting lightnings.

Serra came in dancing and singing in a pitch so off that even Bartre's skull would crack. So that's why lyn wanted earplugs so badly … She came into the room sat down on the chair and spun it like Nils … except that she didn't stop.

" Stop that, milady Serra." Lucius said with stern tone and the pink haired freak stopped, almost falling off the chair.

" Aww, you are no fun at all ..." she protested

" Well, lets use the ink-blot test. Serra, you first. "

" Okay ! I see … ten bars of milk chocolate, jars of honey, Sugar, cake … Bartre in a pink tutu … Erk hitting me repeatedly on the head and a flat globe."

Lucius took out the fifth card and looked at it. Does it really resemble Batre in a tutu so much ? He look once, twice and threw it in the dustbin.

" Okay, thank you Serra… Erk … your turn."

" I see Serra jumping off a cliff, Serra without her head, Serra turned into ashes, Serra's head buried under my tent, me blasting Serra's head over and over again with the Excalibur tomb Sellyn gave me and me slitting my throat from the insanity caused by Serra."

" Ewwwwww Erky ! how can you be so cruel ? no wonder why Clink and Clank doesn't like you !" Serra shouted.

" Er … Serra … who's Clink and Clank ? I don't remember any Clinks or Clanks in the army …"

" Oh silly ! Clink is the one raining on top of Erk's head. Clank is the one with the lightnings !"

" …" filled the room.

" Okay … thankyou ! you may go now."

An the two proceeded out the room and Lucius scribbled something down again.

" Serra … Serious hallucinations and obsession with sweets. Erk, severely misanthropic, depressive, possibly with some sort of mild autistic spectrum disorder and grumpiness. This is depressing … I wonder who's the last patient of today … Ba-Batre !"

Bartre came in in a not pink, but purple tutu ! With _that_ look on his face. _That _look is a legendary look of complete blankness, pure retardness and idiocy. Bartre danced in and sat on the chair, wheezing. Now _that_ is worrying ; Lucius knew that the ink-blot test aren't going to work … seeing that Bartre is busy counting the amount of Lucius' hair.

Lucius took out some IQ tests, designed as games and gave them to Bartre. Bartre, dazzled by the bright colors on the test was set to work in no time, while mumbling something about Dorcas' nostrils, Serra's head and his favourite tutu.

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Lucius was in a state of shock. Bartre had just danced out of the room and his IQ results were with Lucius. Batre, more of a numbnut then the tactician was actually nothing to worry about. Its actually the opposite. While muttering under his breath about nostrils, a head and tutus, Lucius observed him … the test results can't be wrong. 

Bartre … has the IQ of over 200 …

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Author : Here you go !! This is either the 1st chapter or the only chapter … it all depends on you !! review and tell me how to liked it, if the replies are positive, I may move on to the other characters ! Ideas are welcomed too !! Thankyou for reading ! 


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